I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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