her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
