Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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