ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize