I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
