in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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