I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
