i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
