Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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