He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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