i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
