Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
