Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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