i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
