BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
