you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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