A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
