I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
