I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize