i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
