You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
