It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
