Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize