I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
