If you die in college, do you die in real life?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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