she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
