Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
