there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize