I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
