he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
