Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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