Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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