proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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