The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
