There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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