I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're a waste of cheezeits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
