This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He passed out mid-signature
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
