Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
