I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize