Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
