Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
