I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
