I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
