70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
