he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
