Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
