My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
