I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize