clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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