Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
