Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
