You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
