Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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