I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
