happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
