things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
