barbara walters just said penis...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
