so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
