the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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