hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
