Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
