I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
