If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize