Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
