After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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