What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
