Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
