i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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