dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize