I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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