i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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