My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
